Lily Thompson's Diaries Surviving The Infection
by Corky Riviera
Summary: Lily Thompson, a very new college student, captures the events of her life after the Infection in her diary, and proves she's not very bright nor helpful. A parody by the writer of Pericolo! Morte!
1. Intro

**Introduction -**

This is just something short, silly, and experimental. Having bought the original Left4Dead for the Halloween season, I found myself making silly side comments about the events going on, and decided to compile it into a little series of diary entries for the lulz.

This follows my various adventures in the game, under the guise of 'Lily Thompson'. She's replacing Zoey, and as you can tell, she's not very smart. Otherwise the other team members are the same, dependable dudes addicted to pills and hating everything. This is very loosely based on the 'storyline', and isn't intended to be any serious plot-conjuring. So don't get mad at me if things seem wrong.

Lily is a recent graduate of high school, apparently, and seems to take time out of her day to inform her diary of the various many going-ons in her world. As this is simply an experiment for myself, don't expect too many epic updates, but it should be worth the laugh. If my readers wish to ask Lily a question, or have her explore a certain topic, please post that in the comments section. I'd love to hear your input and ideas.

By the way, for English class, we're doing writing excersizes, yes? So expect, when I get some free time and creative writing assignments, expect Pericolo! Morte! to reappear. I foresee a chapter about Halos, as it was requested on the TF2chan. You want more chapters of Pericolo! too? Post a comment on that story if you would. Thanks a bundle, readers, I love you to hell.

So without further ado, please enjoy the adventures of Lily Thompson.


	2. Entry 1: Things Are Changing!

**DIARY ENTRY 1: THINGS ARE CHANGING!**

My mother always told me that change was good for people. Like global warming increases summer vacation, or that forest clearings make way for more moo-cows: change is great! And, oh boy, have things been changing with me!

Let me introduce myself, by the way. I am Lily Thompson, a whole 21 years old and a week! My birthday party was great, and this new diary was a gift. I always have been fond of keeping a diary, and my old one was just about full. What luck for me! I'm new in college, since I took a few years off to volunteer at my local library. They didn't let me work at the desk, but I got to send out overdue fee slips. It was really fun and helped me learn math skills!

Well, I just moved into my new dorm room and my roomies were kind of shy. They told me to stay in my room because they didn't like my company. That's okay, though, I can respect people's space. My room was real cozy, too, and I had my things all arranged so cutely! I'm still undecided about my major, but was thinking something like my library volunteer job would be a good fit for me. Perhaps I could work for the reposession people and help them with their mail! I think that would be very exciting.

But my first day on campus was especially interesting. Even though there's a no pets policy on campus, I saw a doggy! It was very happy to see me and wanted to play, though it looked like it had gotten into a can of whipped cream. It was a little too eager and bit me, so I screamed alot and ran to the nurses office to get patched up. Did I mention our nurse here is a guy? Isn't that wild? Well, anyway, he told me I had something called rabies and wanted me to go to the hospital. I told him I had class, and was glad he helped me anyway, and gave him a big hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek before leaving. He seemed upset, though.

But then later, I came back to visit to tell him I was feeling alot better and found out he had gone to the hospital himself because of this silly rabies thing! I left a get well card with the temporary nurse and gave her a big hug and kiss too before heading back to my room.

In the morning, things were really different! My friends seemed really angry and sick and were kind of acting strange; I wondered if they had gotten that piggy flu that was hyped in the news! I offered them some oranges and cold medicine and they just were so mean! So I decided to go to class, but found everyone wandering around campus, coughing and sick and stuff. I wonder what happened? Well, I've got to go to see if I can find someone willing to talk, because none of my old friends and classmates are really making sense anymore. See you later, Diary!


	3. Entry 2: My New Friends

**DIARY ENTRY 2: MY NEW FRIENDS**

Hello again, Diary! I have great news: I made new friends! Though it was hard work finding them. You see, when I left to go find people to talk to, the entire city was acting strange! People had just stopped their cars out of nowhere and were growling and yelling at each other, moreso than usual in the city. Some people were screaming that it was the end of the world and were running away and wouldn't stop to talk to me. So, I decided to see where the angry population was going, and wouldn't luck have it! They were heading to the local Best Buy! Now I know the Wii is popular, but I didn't expect that many people to be heading in to get them. In fact, it seemed a little unfair because they were all clawing at a door that said 'Employees Only!' After luring them away with my flashy cell phone charm, I listened in on the door and heard sobbing. Oh no!

Well, after telling whoever it was that it was okay, I learned that behind the door was my newest friend! His name is Louis, and he works in the computer section of the store. He didn't want to come out of the room, so I asked him what would make him feel better. He said he needed some pain killers, so I told him I'd go to the nearest store and find him some asprin.

So I went to the next door Target store, which also seemed to be very popular today. Except nobody was really shopping, and there was some odd pink-colored girl sitting on a checkout counter and crying. I went to give her a hug and she started screaming and freaking out, and I -tried- to tell her things were okay, but then a silly old man came from the Sporting section and shot her head off. Oh no! But guess what? This was also a new friend! His name is Bill, and he pretends he's a soldier. It's really funny! But he smokes alot, even though I told him that it was very, very bad for his health, especially if he was pregnant.

Mr. Bill seemed surprised, though, that I wasn't sick, and told me to stick with him. I told him about Louis at Best Buy, and hurried to get some of his pain killers like he had asked. Bill told me that today there was a special, so I was able to take them free out of the store, along with a bunch of guns for Mr. Bill! I've only used a gun a few times, when I was out with the Varsity Hunting Girl squad, and I think I accidentally shot our teacher because she looked like a yeti. Whoops. Anyway, when we went back to where Louis was hiding, I told him I had his pills and he finally came out of his room and seemed really happy.

But wouldn't you know I was yet to meet one more new friend! That's right, I am so popular lately! When we were leaving the store, we saw a man on a motorcycle, who was running over people and sort of freaking out. After we told him we were friends, he said his name was Francis! I think I like Francis the most, because he's _so _funny. Any time anything happens, or he sees anything, he says he hates it! Also he has tons of tattoos like a Yakuza member and I thought it would be fun to paint-by-number with them!

My new friends are really nice. But they seem really scared, and decided we all should try to find some help or information about why everyone else was acting really odd. So, Diary, that's all I can write about now, since I've got to keep up with them before they start crying or something. Please remind me to find Louis more of his pills!


	4. Entry 3: Rude!

**Diary Entry 3: Rude!**

Hi there, Diary! We've got some bad news, unfortunately, and just found time to sit down. Nobody around is really willing to speak with us anymore and has been trying to bite us and stuff which is just so incredibly rude. Can you believe people these days? I think that a lack of sensitivity training in our schools is the cause of all this. Anyway, my friends were very sad because they insisted we had to find someone to tell us what was happening! Eventually we took a break here in this safe room so I could write in you! (Does that tickle?)

I was happy to find more pain killers for Louis when we stopped here, and he seemed just as happy to have them! Francis in the meantime likes to sing a silly song about bottles of beer on the wall, and Bill likes to grumble alot and smoke many, many cigarettes. I actually wonder where he keeps pulling them out from because I've never really seen him start a new one. Does he have one of those electronic cigarettes? That'd be so cool. I'll have to ask him about that later.

Oh, but I got to show everyone my special talents while we were running around! Francis got a little bitten up, and so I pulled out my handy dandy first aid kit. At first he didn't want me anywhere near him, but when I finally was able to tape him up, all my new friends were highly impressed with my medical skills! So I was dubbed the official team nurse! I'm _so _happy. Now they make sure to tell me every time they find new supplies!

Well right now someone is chewing on the back door, so Bill is shooting at them through the window grates. Some people just have no manners, you know? They could try knocking. Though they won't let me answer the door when people come by. I suppose...!

I'm going to take a short nap because I am very, very tired right now. I'll give my new friends night-night kisses before I find a spot to be cozy... the couch in here looks nice, and I can pretend the plastic sheeting we found is a blanket. Goodnight, diary!


	5. Entry 4: Is This The Movies?

Diary Entry 4: Is This The Movies?

Hello, Diary! You know what? The weather has gotten really, really weird. It's now, like, somehow perpetually night-time and foggy. Also it rains off and on, and I keep hearing dramatic music. I like to hum to it, but it scares my friends when I tell them about it. Where is that music coming from?? Also oddly when I checked the calendar in the safe room it looks like _somehow _I've lost two weeks of the month without noticing. I heard that sometimes stuff like that happens during alien abductions. Did I get abducted? It sure would explain alot! But try as I might I can't remember anything about that missing two weeks. I wonder if my old head injury is acting up again without my permission. Silly brain!

Well now my friends are really out of hope. They think that there's no way we're going to get out of the city! Isn't that pessimistic? I suggested quite happily that we try to visit the hospital nearby, since they're all about staying healthy and my friends agreed it was a Good Idea. But Mr. Bill, ever smoking the same cigarette (I think) from the time I met him, was saying that somehow this mystery virus was changing! The people sure are stinky now, that's for sure, but I figured it was because everyone just needed a power shower. (Francis is a bit stinky himself after all.) And wouldn't you know it, as soon as we started trying to go anywhere I heard somebody crying all sadlike!

I immediately ran in to give whoever it was a hug, but Bill caught me by the back of the shirt and told me to stop being such a dumb-butt (though he used harsher words to do so). And, then, like a movie trailer or some video game intro of some sort, there were tons of zombies! Before I knew it, we were shooting, and running, and rescuing each other, and then there was a huge guy that was like the Hulk but uglier. So we went up the side-ladder of a building which got pretty demolished good, and just as I figured I was gonna fall down and die, Francis caught me by the ponytail and hoisted me up. It hurt, but I think it was very heroic. While Louis was all happy about it, Bill said all we did was cross the street. But you know? In the city, during high traffic hours, that's a REAL accomplishment! Seriously! I've been hit by so many cars that the insurance company people run away screaming when they see me.

Anyway, while we take a bit of a break and investigate a cool blue tarp with nifty looking crates under it, I'm gonna make sure to give Francis a super big hug for being my personal hero today! I really love my friends.


	6. Entry 5: Bubba

Diary Entry 5: Bubba

Oh my! I never knew exactly how popular I was until just a little bit ago. You see, me and my friends are headed for the hospital! But on the way I got myself turned around a little bit because of all the mean people coming from all over. I guess I was a bit lost, because when I looked around I couldn't see any of my friends at all, and I had to change the batteries in my flashlight. Well, unfortunately, I didn't know where to find new batteries! But then, luck would have it, as I went around a corner I met a really, really big guy! He looked kind of sick, and confirmed that he had a tummy ache, and was full of nasty cancer-like bumps, but when I asked him about batteries (most politely of course) he seemed to pause a moment, and then kindly led me to a stash of Duracells. Hooray!

This friend of mine had a hard time talking though. I asked him what his name was, and he only managed to gurgle, so I named him Bubba. I told him I was incredibly lost from my other friends, and he seemed delighted to help me! Bubba himself was quite popular, really, every time he got sick a bunch of his friends came. I think they were trying to make him feel better. The stomach flu is so awful! In the meantime I dug out some Tums from my first aid kit and made sure he had a few as we took our breaks.

Eventually I could hear shouting and gunshots on another street, and Louis crying out my name in a very worried tone! I told Bubba that sounded like my team, and he was ever so happy to jog along with me to find them. As soon as I came around the corner to introduce Bubba, Mr. Bill went and blew him up!

It was bad enough he blew up my friend, but then I was covered in this nasty green gooey stuff from head to toe. But then I found all of Bubba's friends wanted to be MY friend really badly too! So while they piled onto me for a group hug, I could hear my team mates all yelling and stuff. Well, eventually, all those huggers seemed gone too, and I could finally see since all the goo wore off. My team members asked me where I had gone and told me to stick closer! I think they were a little jealous.

That's okay, though, I'll always remember Bubba, because he was a swell guy. I'm sure being dead is preferable to having the stomach flu that bad anyhow. We're almost to the hospital, and Francis says he hates protecting me while I write, so I better stop here!


End file.
